Tired of household chores? Or: How to operate your man.

Very often I hear women complaining about their husbands not lifting a finger at home. Unless it is for the remote control. What a cliche! I don’t have this problem, so maybe it is time to share my universal wisdom when it comes to the pressing matter of “How to pass on household chores to the common male”.

Exercising with Good Housekeeping

Exercising with Good Housekeeping (Photo credit: kevin dooley)

When it comes to small chores, the easiest thing is to just relax. As long as I am busy doing something, my husband can browse the web for hours checking international politics, business affairs and the latest sports events. When I try to talk to him, I get an “Uhummm…” at the utmost. I could basically set the kitchen on fire or fall off the balcony in an attempt to get his attention, he wouldn’t notice. But as soon as I sit down with a cup of tea ready to relax myself, I can be sure he will jump up and get busy. He might be sitting around all day long – when I serve the 5 o’clock tea, sure enough he gets antsy. So the easiest thing, ladies, is to do some minor chores and then sigh and sit back – and watch the miracle unfold.

Of course, it can also get annoying. Like when I prepare for a big event – which is a lot of work, too. So there I am in the bathroom, messing around with concealers, moisturizer, body lotions, nail polish and the latest makeup acquirements, sweating and cursing… After all, it is a lot of pressure! You wouldn’t want anybody to notice that you, too, got a year older! Meanwhile my husband is reading in front of the fireplace, perfectly relaxed. But the minute I am all tarted up, ready to sip a glass of champagne and gaze into his eyes while he confesses to still be madly in love with me…, he jumps up to look for his cufflinks or bow tie, and I can sip my champagne alone toasting myself in the mirror. But well, that doesn’t happen too often anyway, does it, so let’s focus on the positive side of this funny quirk and how we can make it work in our favour.

An advertisement for a pneumatic vacuum cleaner

An advertisement for a pneumatic vacuum cleaner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Another dead sure strategy to get him working is to invite people. When I was still living with my parents, it was enough that my mom was expressing an invitation on the phone, and my dad would get out the vacuum cleaner. Which drove my mom crazy for hadn’t she just cleaned the house anyway? I always told her she could stop cleaning altogether, if she just told him somebody would come over later and she could watch my dad turning into a very efficient maid. Same thing works with my husband. While I start making meal plans and thinking flowers and excursions and other fun stuff to do, he gets out the paint to eliminate stains, tidies up everything, fixes anything that needs repairing – it is wonderful!

Maid outfit

(Photo credit: Whitfield-In-World)

Women, on the contrary, function differently. My husband always tries by telling me: “WE need to do this and that.” Of course, that doesn’t work for me. If it is “we”, I don’t feel the pressure to do it all by myself. If he said “you”, I would get bitchy. As much as we like them to talk to us, we don’t like to be told. Right? So, dear male readers, if you want the love of your life to become more hands on, get her a maid. No, honestly! There is no better way to make sure that she starts tidying up. All of my friends have said it on at least one occasion: “I am in a hurry, can’t talk now. My maid is coming, so I need to clean up.” After all, we wouldn’t want our maid to think that we were lazy and filthy, would we? So basically, we all pay our cleaning ladies not for cleaning but for motivating us to get our act together at home. Let’s hope they don’t read this, otherwise they might demand a pay rise and we would have less to spend when going on a reward shopping spree for all the hard work!

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